


The Most Beautiful Relationship in History

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Kell hates me, Oneshot, Other, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, even Satan and God are disappointed, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 13:00:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8625379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yeah. Worst thing ever.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kxllington](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxllington/gifts).



Pete Wentz was a lonely soul. Upon his wrist was the name Seth. Just Seth. Who was Seth. Well Pete had no fucking idea, until one day he met Seth. Obviously I mean why would anyone have their soulmate's name in their wrist then never meeting them. It's stupid to have it that way. Continuing with the story, how Pete came to met Seth was a strange experience. However, the whole situation was bizarre, and it was only because Pete began to feel a bit peckish.

Pete however, had no idea what he wanted to eat. He dramatically draped his body over his couch and groaned like he was face with death. Though let's be honest, when you're hungry and have no idea what to eat, it does feel like death. Suddenly, Pete knew what he wanted. He remembered that some certain band mates brought him cookies since it was their fault that started the k-pop incident, Vietnamese war flashbacks violently intruded his vision. Never again. 

Pete fell off the couch and dragged his body across the floor to the kitchen, since walking was so five minutes ago. Eventually he arrived to the glowing cookie jar which holds the key to heaven. Well at least the key to cure his hunger. He got up and stared at the jar, you see he has this strange premonition that something horribly fantastic will happen. What that will it be, Pete did not know, but you do in the next few sentences unless you read the tags. Plus Pete would've know about it in the next thirty seconds but like who cares anyone reading this is because they thought what the fuck is this. Or having a friend read this and laughing at the tortured scream you make but, meh.

Anyways, Pete reached for the cookie jar, opened it, but dared not to look inside. Instead he just grabbed the first cookie his hand could clutch. When he finally opened his eyes to inspect the cookie he felt shock. His name was written on the cookie with icing. Now this isn't strange however, due to his previous premonition he thought it would've been much worse. Boy was he wrong. 

 

While Pete wentz (see what I did there, ha ha JOKES) to the fridge to get milk, because whoever eats cookies without milk is a heathen, the cookie began to transform. As in growing legs and arms, having a top hat, gloves, and a cane appearing. But mind you the cookie did not have a face, probably because there was a certain somebody’s name written in huge ass letters. 

 

Continuing, when Pete turned back to the cookie, which was currently mimicking that one frog from bugs bunny that did “HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY DARLING” yeah that one. Pete frankly did what everyone would do, he screamed and cussed. 

 

“MOTHERFUCKER, ACCORDING TO ALL KNOWN LAWS OF AVIATION, THERE IS NO WAY A BEE SHOULD BE ABLE TO FLY!”

 

“Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.” Replied back the cookie.

 

Pete was shocked, due to the deep flowing voice that seemed to be emitted by the cookie. He didn't even question logic that a cookie could talk. The only thing he could think was, “Holy shit you know the Bee Movie script.”

 

The cookie laughed at Pete’s adorable face and stated back with amusement, “Well of course it’s my third favourite movie, with Sherk being second, and Spy kids and Shark Boy and Lava Girl tied for first.”

 

“Same!” Pete said, with the same tone as a white girl who loves Starbucks and can think she can rap Drake’s new single but can't.

 

And it was in that moment that a beautiful relationship had began to blossom. Well a relationship that only lasted five minutes.

 

In the first minute they laughed about their favourite parts in The Bee Movie.

 

In the second minute they exchanged names, and angst that followed it. The cookie’s name was Seth, and Pete wondered was this the same Seth. The same Seth that he tried to imagine when he was five. The same Seth that people made fun of him because Seth had no last name. Was it the same Seth. 

 

While on Seth’s end he was thinking about tacos. Pete finally came back to reality and showed Seth his name on Pete’s arm. And well blah blah blah stuff happened and it was the third minute.

 

In the third minute, Pete and Seth were on the floor making out. It was also the time when Seth’s twelve year old random phase began. Though let’s save the cringeworthy stuff for never.

 

Suddenly it was the fourth minute and more angst.

 

“Seth,” Pete began, unable to collect his scattered thoughts, “I can't go on like this.”

 

“What do mean?” Seth whimpered back, crumbs started to fall.

 

“NO! Don't cry Seth, I mean,” Pete sighed “society will never accept us. Me a human and you a cookie, it will never work out.”

 

Seth’s crumb tears increased. “Pete,” he said softly, “please, be Pete Stayz, not Pete Wentz.” Seth cried some more. Pete softened and embraced the cookie.

 

Then it was the fifth minute. Pete leaned for a sweet kiss with Seth, however the kiss turned aggressive and Pete ended up eating Seth.

 

It was then, for the first time since he was seven, that Pete cried. He looked to the heavens and God heard his anguish screams. Though God did nothing. 

 

Finally, it was the first minute after the most beautiful relationship that history had ever saw. Pete got up, wiped his tears away, then shrugged because Pete no longer was hungry and he completely forgot about the past five minutes.

 

Seth up in cookie was angry about this and decided to haunt his ass…

 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing. This has officially ruined my relationship with Kell. But I'll probably end up breaking into their house.


End file.
